Hospital

I called my mom. I’m pretty sure I need to go to the hospital.

I wish I could just die, but my son needs me.

Frustration

Still no response to my blatant offer to go camping with her. I know she’s been online too. Which drives me INSANE!!!! Why can’t she just answer me, yes or no? She’s been so nice, so I kinda doubt she’s going to just drop the conversation. FUCK! She’s fucking online RIGHT NOW. Even being rejected isn’t as bad as waiting, because at least you know and can move on. I also know she has no internet at her studio so I doubt I’ll hear from her until tomorrow, if ever. Why is she doing this to me? Is this some kind of game, or am I reading too far into it? Maybe she’s trying to think of a polite way to turn me down. Or maybe she actually wants to and is afraid to respond. Maybe she’s even taking the time to mull over the idea, like tasting a new wine, not sure if you like it or not. This is a bad thing to do to someone with horrible anxiety. I gave her my number but I highly doubt she put it in her phone, much less text/call me. I also noticed she posted her cell number on her info page. It’s like torture. I know I could just get the number and text her first but that would be WAY too forward and creepy. Like I said earlier, the ball’s in her court now. I wish I could turn off ALL notifications except hers so I can stop having a mini heart-attack everytime someone else posts or likes something. Another brutal night of waiting impatiently while my mind goes haywire and my heart rate fluctuates wildly.